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Sex During Pregnancy
Making love during pregnancy is the one thing nobody talks about. Complete strangers will happily reveal more than you need to know about their emergency Cesarean or breastfeeding woes the moment your pregnancy is apparent, but delve beneath the sheets and they clam up.
There’s no reason to stop having sex during pregnancy. In fact, it can be better than ever.
Your Changing Libido
If you’re pregnant and finding your libido (sex drive) lurching from frisky to frigid within an hour, you’re not alone. Your body is giving you mixed messages.
One minute you’re feeling nauseated, exhausted and panicky because you can’t get into your jeans, and the next minute you’re beaming with beautiful skin and cleavage like Pamela Anderson’s. And your hormones are running riot: you feel like a sex goddess one minute, and a frump in a housecoat the next.
Then there’s the partner in your life, who’s probably equally confused but desperate to please. Your partner still desires you, says you look beautiful, but is worried about putting on pressure and seems scared to touch you. You, of course, interpret this hesitancy as revulsion. No wonder you don’t know which way to turn.
Relax. Whether your sex life perks up or goes AWOL, it’s all normal. The awe and wonder of pregnancy have led to mysterious and varied views on the nature of sexuality during pregnancy. These amazing and rapid physical events alter a woman’s body and emotions, but the fundamentals remain: we are sexual beings. Our attitudes and beliefs may vary, but as our biological understanding of the events has eased our restrictive and unfounded fears and concerns, couples have come to enjoy their sexual relationships during pregnancy.
Cultural Perspectives
Cultural, religious, and scientific influences shape people’s attitudes on sex during pregnancy.
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In some cultures, it is believed that the fetus comes from the mother’s blood (the menstrual flow ceasing) and the father’s bone (semen). Therefore, to produce a strong, healthy baby, the couple should have frequent sex. Other cultures discourage intercourse during pregnancy because it is believed that energy should not be drained from the mother by making love, but rather but go to the baby.
In Western culture, the childbirth education movement brought a surge of new information to couples. The subject of sex during pregnancy, which had previously been virtually unmentioned, emerged as a legitimate topic of discussion. Talking about sex during pregnancy is standard in midwifery and obstetric care at prenatal visits, as well as in childbirth education classes. Practitioners may even encourage couples to have sex to stimulate labor at the end of pregnancy.
When Sex is Out
There are unusual circumstances which may result in advising you to not have sex during pregnancy. These situations could include rupture of membranes and placenta previa (placenta either partially or completely covers the opening of the cervix). Your healthcare provider will discuss these situations with you.
When sex is restricted, cuddling, massage, and open communication can provide an outlet for sexual needs. Otherwise, the comfort and adventure of sex during pregnancy can enhance a couple’s communication on their road to parenthood.
What About Partners?
While most partners find the changing female body erotic and attractive, some simply do not. Many may be frightened of hurting the baby (your healthcare provider would let you know if there is reason for concern) or may be uncomfortable about expressing their sexual needs and feelings during pregnancy. Often they do not realize how essential these feelings are to enhancing the woman’s sense of well-being and self-esteem. Communication is an essential element of intimacy, and the more open these channels are, the more likely a couple is to navigate the transition into parenthood.
A Rapidly Changing Body and Being
Part of this adventure will be witnessing the woman’s changing body.
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Her sexual desire might fluctuate throughout the pregnancy.
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Typically a woman feels tired, nauseated, and a little nervous during the first trimester. But by the second trimester, she will probably begin to feel good and will relax into her new role.
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In fact, pregnancy can facilitate sexual enjoyment and heighten libido. Also, increased blood flow to the genitals and breast enlargement can make women more aroused. Vaginal secretions frequently increase, making for more receptive lovemaking. During orgasm, the uterus contracts, which can be an intense, pleasurable sensation or it can lead to mild contractions which some women find annoying.
Trying new positions may enhance comfort and response. Find positions that allow for less pressure on the growing abdomen and give more control over the depth of penetration.
Common Concerns
Some concerns couples have are unfounded:
Orgasm will not trigger miscarriage early in pregnancy,
Semen contains prostaglandin, which does not have a bad effect, but rather has a beneficial effect on the softening or ripening of the cervix, making it ready for labor.
Sex will not hurt the baby. The fetus is cushioned and well protected by a closed cervix, as well as by the uterus, which is a bag of water.
So, relax and enjoy! And if in doubt, talk to your partner and to your practitioner.
Portions of this article are reprinted from Every Baby Magazine and the ACNM, by Barbara Winter, CNM